It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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