So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
