Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
