i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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