So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
