so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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