she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
