Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
