I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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