just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
