The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
