I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
