The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
