I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
