perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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