I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
