I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
