I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
