I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
