I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
