I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
