dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
