I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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