if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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