Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
