My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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