People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
