Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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