over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
