I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
