Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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