Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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