you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
