If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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