I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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