I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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