Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
