I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
