How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
