Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
