I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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