I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
