turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
