I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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