Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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