Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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