Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
