Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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