non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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