Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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