My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
