nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
